chest pain

It’s a Tuesday and the day started calmly as I awakened slowly. Walked to the River Market this afternoon and wrote a while listening to the conversations in the coffeehouse. Read a few essays. Started to walk home but the rain came down harder. Steady. Decided to get a deli sandwich. And that’s when it started, shortly after starting to eat the sandwich.

Sharp short pain lasting about a second on my right side. The peppers tasted spicy and I could feel my head begin to sweat. Three pains while there. Made me nervous. Walked back home. Two along the way. Just sharp and short.

Home and the loft felt warm and stuffy. Closed the window and turned on the AC. Rested a while. Seems the AC runs and runs. The thermostat may be broken. Check on that tomorrow. Burping a lot but nothing crazy.

How fragile I am. How nervous and feeling alone. It’s very strange and weird. This morning I felt so awake and focused. And now with this little twinge I let myself become knocked to my knees. So, I’m writing here. Listening to NPR.

Yeah, it’s probably just indigestion because I can feel those peppers warming my tummy slightly. Called Jens to hear her voice. Considered asking her or Adam to come get me so I would not have to be alone. They were at Children’s Mercy. Lila’s appointment with the neurologist. She’ll call back. By that time I’ll know more about how I feel.

Last twinge was at 16:24…it’s 16:52 now. Like I‘m keeping a start date log here. Reminds me of Dad. This has got to be gas. Just had two healthy burps. Y diet has been so sedate and delicate with no meat and very little fat. The deli sandwich nailed me.

Keep smiling and I’ll be fine. Strange to be writing this.

Another small twinge at 16:54. Darn. It was small like a bubble or something. But then I feel nervous for a few minutes. It’s in the same place: right side two inches above my nipple as a matter of placement.

OK. Stay cool. Relax. How long does it take to digest a deli sandwich? The ingredients: hard Italian roll, ham, provolone, lettuce shreds, the dreaded spicy pickled peppers, and balsamic vinegar. Also had some nacho cheese flavored Doritos just half of the medium sized bag) and a Nantucket plum juice drink, the only healthy component of this crazy lunch choice of mine.

Could this be stress? Maybe. But I do not feel stressed about anything. Keeping track of time still. I’m feeling fine really. She just called and the appointment went well. Time to start weaning her from the phenobarb: 9 mg dose now, starting today reduce to 6 mg for one month, then down to 3 mg for a month. Great news. The doctor is pleased with Lila’s progress and development.

This writing while feeling weird is weird.

17:07 – another short pain. Here we go again. Tracking the detox of the deli sandwich. This is what I hope is happening. I know that there’s probably some damage done from my years of smoking. Man, that was really dumb. But having quit in Feb, I feel good.

Sometimes I think that my lungs are recovering from the smoking and that these twinges are just recovery healing pains. Unlikely, but an optimistic diagnosis. Have done some research online about right side chest pain. Most point to something gastro or gall bladder related…that would suck. Four healthy burps there. Isn’t this a pleasant narrative? I think I’ll read a while…

Started to read, then napped for a short time until around 6. A short pain upon awakening. Turned off the AC. Must be something wrong with the thermostat. Also, the drain hose is kinked up near the outlet. OK. Time to relax.

18:12 – another dull throb, preceded by a short burp.

And 18:20 – short and dull again. And this one felt while I was thinking a bit darkly. Whatever it is, the burpies continue. Some powerful spicy pickled peppers. This has bummed me out a bit today. Feeling a bit isolated and on edge, naturally.

19:38 – another short one. Thought this was passing…sitting reading.

20:42 – they seem to occur once an hour…

Went to bed early around 10 til 9. Had a little twinge around 9. Can’t sleep so just trying to relax ad not feel any anxiety. But it’s a feeling of being alone. Like a hammer is about to fall upon me. Have burped again and it feels as if the gas just creeps over time. Funny how some pickled peppers can set things off this way. Listening to Billy Strayhorn and it sounds good. Relaxing always, like a warm friend.

Despite the bizarre nature of this writing, strangely keeping a log of my hopeful indigestion, maybe I can use this material somewhere else. Quite an embarrassing essay really. I know if Jens or Em knew they’d want me to visit the ER. But I have no other symptoms. It will pass…as I pass the gas. Just nervous. Part of the reality of living alone.

Like clockwork it seems. A little twinge at 21:44. It is the gas.

I can feel the heat feeling. Oh well. Hang in there.

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